How To Play the Great Spice War of 2024

It's Election Day. Huzzah!

Dear Fellow Expat:

It started with a simple statement.

“You know what I don’t have in my house,” the waitress said as she cut her salad. “Lemon pepper.”

“Oh, I don’t like lemon pepper,” the bartender said, watching a stain on the mirror.

“What?” the waitress replied, dropping her fork.

“Me neither,” said a second waitress, who’d just walked into the conversation.

With that… a debate began.

It was Election Day. According to my wife, we’re now in airport lounge hours.

Calories don’t count.

You can have a beer at 10 am without judgment.

You’re allowed to wander around in sweatpants.

I went to a restaurant for an early lunch. As the only customer, I listened to them debate the merits of lemon pepper on chicken, salmon, and tofu. Why not?

I kept my head down, eyes on my computer. The chatter continued, but they couldn’t seem to resolve their views.

“Do you like lemon pepper?” the pro-Lemon pepper waitress then asked. “Excuse me.”

I looked up, dumb, silly. I pointed to myself. Me?

I realized I wa…